Day 3 of first treatment

I believe that I am aware and mindful of my situation.  I have educated myself on the possibilities of the future of my treatments, damages done by the chemo, the chance of remission/recurrence, etc.  but, there are moments where I actually don't think about my fight.  There are moments where I feel normal; where my scars don't ache and the pump isn't humming,  I enjoy those moments once I realize that I have had a moment without cancer consuming my thoughts.

The first treatment has gone okay,  I have experienced the first bite syndrome which was painful. But Michael, the chemo educator, told me to try hotter foods first.  It really helped.  The tingling in my hands came and went throughout the day yesterday.  Other than that, I felt pretty good.  A bit of nausea when I hadn't eaten in a while nor taken the anti nausea mediation.

I enjoyed talking to joy when I went to work today.  It was actually pretty entertaining to see people be pretty surprised to see me at work.  Pat Lintner came in while I was talking to joy and said he was really surprised to see me walking yesterday on my first day of chemo.  He said he almost ran into the wall in the curve draining his neck to see if it was really me. Wayne hit the nail on the head.  He said, "you are making a statement."  I was making a statement to other people as well as myself.  I won't let this get me down.  People have told me a million times that attitude makes the biggest difference.  I truly believe that.

I don't feel that I am just saying that I have a positive outlook.  I really feel it.

After the tingling started, I was pretty discouraged.  Since they say the symptoms will be cumulative. But, I am not throwing up.  I have little nausea and worked almost a whole day yesterday.  So, I think I am pretty good!
On Thursday, I put a picture of my port on fb. The weird thing is when I see it now, it makes me feel very strange.  Even though my shoulder pain is a constant reminder that I have a port buried under my skin,  I still don't always remember that I am taking chemo.  Sometimes I look at that picture and I am proud.  I survived a very tough day with a lot of pain. I was willing to give Gina a one shot deal to get my port accessed.  On the other hand, I sometimes look at that picture and I feel sick to my stomach.  I don't believe it is from the pain of that day.  It is a punch in the gut with a dose of chemicals & reality.